Rock on

Over the past several months I've been spending a lot of time rock climbing, and if I’m not actually climbing chances are pretty good I’m thinking about it. Climbing happened to come back into my life when I seemed to have needed it most. I’d started climbing when I was much younger but because of location, convenience, and lack of climbing buddies it never stuck… until now.

I’ve always had an affinity for any body of water, particularly the ocean, because it’s safe to me. I’d learned a lot from it about the confusions of life and the ocean has come to be a place I am comfortably wary of.

It turns out that rock has had just as many lessons to teach me about myself.

I thought I would share a few thoughts about this healing process climbing has taken me on. To start, I should give a little bit of background information for those who aren’t familiar with any of the terminology (as I was personally clueless when I picked it back up). I won’t go into much detail, but bouldering is a type of climbing that you don’t wear a harness and you aren’t attached to anything while climbing. When you fall you simply drop to the ground. Top roping is when the rope is anchored around something at the top of the route, and you have a harness and you tie into the rope at the bottom and climb the route to the top. At this point you lean back and your belayer on the ground lowers you down. If you slip off the rock at any point during this type of climb chances are you will be able to cling to the rock again and keep climbing and attempting the route as long as your belayer doesn’t get too tired. I won’t get into much else, other than to explain that routes for bouldering and top roping each have different types of rating systems and routes are set up in gyms based on difficulty. Essentially, you follow a color of tape up the rock and only certain holds will be a part of the route based on how hard it is.

The first weekend I got back into climbing I went with some friends who had invited me to go outside on real rock. I’d never climbed outside of a gym, but I had always wanted to. And that little taste of the feel of the rock underneath my hands was about all it took for me to be hooked. After that I spent time back in the gym working on one particular route and I remember being particularly frustrated and absolutely loving it. My brain hurt from trying to figure out how to arrange my body to finish the route, and my pride hurt from realizing how terrified I was of committing to performing some moves at the risk of falling. It was for this reason that I quickly took to bouldering. I found that I needed to learn to trust myself again before I could learn to trust others. It wasn’t until one friend was watching me as I climbed and he simply said that I needed to commit to going for the next hold, at which point it clicked for me and I distinctly remember tearing my attention away from the rock long enough to say, “Yeah, well I have commitment issues.” Without missing a beat he said, “Then this is a good place to work that out.” It was only in the following months that I realized how true this statement was and I realized that for the time being the rock was going to teach me more about myself than I was going to learn anywhere else.

I quickly discovered something as I was bouldering. I was inside my own head and people could point out things and give me advice about hand and foot placements, but until I worked it out with myself it just wasn’t going to happen. Of course much of my inability when I first started was a lack of upper body strength. My hands weren’t used to the roughness of the holds, my fingers weren’t used to being tightly curled around rough objects, my arms were demanding to know why I was demanding so much from them, and my legs were quietly whimpering as they realized they were going to take a bit of a backseat for a while.

I am weak. And I don’t just mean this in the physical sense. I have gotten physically stronger, but I remain weak and incapable. Without the constant presence of Christ the best I can do on one of my most put together days is a synchronized flailing of my arms. Along this journey I found that something I had told myself for months was actually true. As much as I know I am weak on my own, I discovered that I’m also stronger than I thought when I actually step aside and let Christ in. It's even better when I stop fighting and I become an active participant in choosing which route I’m going to tackle and what hand holds I’ll try for. When I would be hanging on a bouldering route I would get stuck with my hands on a couple of holds looking toward the next handhold that I had to reach for and after judging the distance to be too great I would freeze in thought. And fear. I would attempt the route again and again and found I kept getting stuck in one part and was having trouble making the move to the next hold. Eventually, after much struggling on my part I realized that the longer I stayed in one place staring at the next move the more tired I became and therefore the less likely I would be able to pull off the move when I finally convinced myself to lunge for it. Exasperated, I finally resorted to what I know best. I decided to approach this dilemma reasonably. It was time to start trusting myself, reaching for the next hold, and accepting that the more I committed to the move the more likely I was to succeed. Sometimes it is simply of no use to commit half-way. What's more, to hang on and wait for the perfect timing just made me weaker. I learned that not only could I start to trust myself again, but that if I fell it didn’t mean I should question whether I'd made the right decision in moving forward.

And then I started to start to enjoy top roping again. My first attempt at a route climbing outside I had someone belaying me that I trusted without hesitation. I was terribly out of shape and yet the supportive group of friends encouraged me as I faced the rock. And this was the end result

The first time I finished climbing again I remember being physically and emotionally exhausted, my hands were raw, and I was grinning… uncontrollably. And this is how it’s gone ever since.

The rock continues to beckon me and I continue to answer.

It's been fun to go climbing with friends who watched me as I first started climbing and haven't seen me climb since. They comment about how much stronger I've gotten. And I smile simply because the improvement of physical strength is only part of a much larger story. I've become a stronger person. I have again started to trust myself, and I know with work the rest will come. It's a journey. After all, there's no sense in worrying about the next hold before I've even started the route...

PB&J

My hope is that by the end of reading this the title "PB&J" will make complete sense...

It would seem this post has been a long time coming, and there have been a couple of events over the last few weeks that were the culmination of thoughts that lead to a more solid idea about how I feel on the matter of disagreement and individualism.

Last spring I wrote my declamation for a class called “Justice and the Common Good” about human dignity and what it means to love and be loved. In this paper, among other things, I argued that freedom as a Christian is not intended to give us the freedom to pursue individual goals, but rather it gives us the freedom to love. One of the only ways to show someone that you love them is to work for them (aka through our actions).  If love can be felt through actions then it would make sense that work is a necessary means for showing your love for someone. I don’t know if I am of the minority in my generation, but personally I am frustrated with this whole “individualism” movement.

The following is an excerpt from the aforementioned paper:

         “Another one of the facets of love that can be experienced is discussion and argument. There are three different essential options of where conversation can lead. The first is trying to find new solutions over and over again without getting anywhere—that is other than removing hope over time as the individuals grind in. The second—which is insanity—is trying the same thing multiple times and expecting different results. And the third, and most conducive for flourishing, is a line of questioning which sometimes out of necessity has to move backwards, but the main goal is to arrive closer to the truth over time. This third option is often the most difficult to commit to because there are instances where moving backwards ensures gaining more momentum to delve even further in conversation and an understanding of truth; however, it is this backwards movement that is disturbing. At some point in this process there is a temptation to exhaustion or despair, but the integral part of the process is understanding that as steps are taken backwards the projection towards further truth becomes more expansive and the process moves forward.

              Part of being in relationship and community with other Christians is realizing that it is not always clean and neat and often times we end up hurting one another—both unintentionally and intentionally, a result of the sinful nature in us all. Through the journey of discussing with others, our understanding of truth at the time of discussion may not line up with their understanding of truth. When these preconceived notions of truth that have had time to develop individually meet in conversation there is bound to be conflict. However, it is through this sometimes trying process that what we love becomes bigger and our ability to care about others as well as the pursuit of truth expands rapidly. In The End of the Affair Graham Greene writes, “I had never known her before and I had never loved her so much. The more we know the more we love, I thought, I was back in the territory of trust.”

           To question another is to show them respect, and in this, disagreeing is also a sign of respect, and sometimes it is the action that can convey the most love—it means that the individual is not only committed to truth, but also committed to the other. While exhaustion means a loss of strength, despair means the individual has come to a place of thinking “this has no point.” In the case of despair, continuing down the road of conversation seems hopeless. This is the point in conversation when the person throws their hands up, walks away, and refuses to keep conversing in an attempt to find the truth. To succumb to despair is essentially to willingly give up on the search for truth both in conversation and in relationship. Hope is not something that we can give to each other, it is a gift we have to willingly accept from the Holy Spirit. Above all, the requirement for such conversation is patience because it could take many years of conversing and questioning to find any sort of truth. However, it is always better for an individual to be confused and moving in the direction of love then to be alone and think they know the answer. The most appropriate attitude to have when approaching conversation is to accept the possibility of being wrong. John Paul II writes, “The judgment of conscience is a practical judgment, a judgment which makes known what man must do or not do, or which assess an act already performed by him. It is a judgment which applies to a concrete situation the rational conviction that one must love and do good and avoid evil.”  As we are humans there is always the possibility of making a mistake and judging incorrectly. Potentially a result of invincible ignorance, the individual may be incapable of seeing their own ignorance or making a decision that would allow them to see where they have made an error in judgment.”

There's something going on in our society that causes an incredible amount of doubt - in friendships, relationships, career choices, etc. Sometimes I think it's not even so much that our generation desires to move towards individualism as it is an incredible insecurity with who we are as people that we don't want to get others involved in our lives out of fear it will be too messy. However, instead of admitting these insecurities we hide them under the facade of wanting enough space to discover who we are. It seems we often times put up this front particularly because we aren't ready to engage in conversation. This is a shame because we grow through conversation and disagreement. Have you ever noticed that it gets boring to be in the company of people that always agree with you? It actually becomes exhausting to feel like there is never progress towards truth. Agreeing seems to suggest that two people have settled on some sort of truth and there is nothing left to dispute - the journey has somehow ended, and yet often times I find myself unsatisfied with the apparent destination. However, at the same time, it is just as exhausting to try and have a conversation with someone who never thinks they are wrong because they have individually settle on their own truth.

The problem with individualism is that we start to focus on what is in it for me instead of what is in it for us. In a lecture with Jonathan Sacks he talked about the nature of social contracts and social covenants. A social contract is when two parties give up some right in order for there to be a social power. They have no ongoing relationship; whereas, a social covenant is when two or more individuals come together and pledge themselves to do together what neither can do alone. Contract brings benefits, but a covenant brings about transformation. A social covenant is a pledge of mutual responsibility and is always grounded in relationship. Sacks also remarked that the voice of God is speaking through critiques. The key is to be a big enough person to be able to listen to them. I feel as though individualism will also move us away from considering generations after us. This applies directly to this:

Act responsibly for the sake of generations not yet born. If you plan for a year, plant rice; if you plan for a decade, plant a tree; if you plan for a century, educate a child. 

Tommaso Campanella, an Italian Philosopher writes, “Space is defined as “a primary substance or seat or immobile and incorporeal capacity, able to receive any body.” It is homogeneous: human terms such as “high” and “low”, “behind and in front of”, “right” and “left”, refer to bodies that are placed within it; and if the world did not exist, we would imagine space to be empty. In reality, however, it desires fullness, is endowed with attractive force and abhors remaining empty. Bodies, in turn, enjoy mutual contact and hate the void that separates them”

We were meant for community. We were designed for togetherness. Both because it leaves us feeling fulfilled and because it challenges us. It keeps us from thinking we're hopelessly messed up, but it also gives us a humbling reality check about how many flaws we have and how many things we have to work on.

So just remember....

PB&J

The trick is finding a combination that works as well as this widely accepted sandwich.

Write to right

I think I'm going to start updating my blog again. Most days it feels like I spend all of my time writing using other venues (been working on some lyrics recently) but I'd really like to get back into blogging. Wonder if I'll have anything interesting to say? Nevertheless, we write on!

Today I was thinking about the concept of, "writing to right." Simply meaning that there is power in our words and we should always exercise discretion not only when choosing what to say, but also about what we write. Incredible to think that the catalyst in history for change has often times been writing. Just something to think about....

Live as if God's given you a purpose for tomorrow

I wrote this post on Sunday but I just hadn't posted it... I'll give more of an update in a day or two:

Yesterday afternoon we had a staff member go missing in the lake when his life jacket slipped off him. He didn't know how to swim. The search started to look for Anthony and what was a search turned into a sweep of the lake in the later afternoon. It's been a tough 24+ hours for the staff here at CAMP-of-the-WOODS. Although I don't remember ever officially meeting Anthony and shaking hands with him, I know he was close to a lot of people here and we all feel the weight of losing our brother.

It's hard to know what to think, or how to proceed from here. How do we carry on when it feels like the world has come to a stop? How do we keep ourselves from asking all the questions burning in our hearts, that we are dying to cry out. God, where are you in all of this? I believe you're in control, and that's why I don't understand how you could let something like this happen to someone so young, why, God?

I don't claim to know the answer to all or any of these questions. But what I do know is this:

God is good. And it's OK to ask 'why?' as long as we remember that God is good, and move onto the question, 'God, what's Your purpose in all of this?'

I've also been thinking about the mindset, 'live like we are dying.' Actually, more than anything I've been questioning this mindset. I think I understand the general concept behind it, but I really want to challenge the thought process. I'm not arguing against making the most of every second we have here on earth, but I want to suggest possibly a more hopeful view. Maybe something like, 'live as if God's given you a purpose for tomorrow.' I truly believe we can get so wrapped up in living in the here and now, we can forget to dream big dreams for tomorrow. If we live as though we are going to die today, we sometimes forget to think long term and have hopes and dreams for the future. Dream big. Dream as if there will be a tomorrow. And if there turns out to be a tomorrow, He may change your plans for the day anyway, but at least you dreamt. At least you can say you lived yesterday as though you had a purpose today. God's given you today as a blessing; a chance to make dreams become a reality. And every 'tomorrow' has the possibility to become a 'today.' Make it count.

God is in control. If we are living as though He's given us a purpose tomorrow, if it's our time to be with Him today, don't you think He already has that all figured out? Having dreams about tomorrow isn't going to mean you miss out on living today. There's no reason to be overly concerned about what day we are going to be brought back to be with Him.

It's important to remember that we as Christians need to handle and approach these situations differently because of the truth of God's Word and His promises. We proceed with hope because He has given it to us. We are a people of hope.

We are meant to mourn. But we aren't meant to get stuck in that stage. We should spend more time celebrating life, than mourning death. Today in morning chapel, the speaker said something that is so true. 'Death is dead.'

Amen.

We know Anthony is back home. And from the stories I've heard about Anthony, He was truly living with a purpose. Seeking God everyday, and growing in faith.

Tomorrow is July....?

Time flies when you're having fun, as they say. Or in my case when the days are filled with a lot of work, lots of laughing, awesome worship music, Bible studies, and fellowship with a bunch of awesome people. Only a couple more days and I will have already been here for a full two weeks. So hard to believe how fast this summer is going by. I hope it doesn't go by too quickly... I want to enjoy it for all it's worth.

These last few days have honestly actually been very trying. One of the people on my team had to leave and it's made the few of us left on the team to work even harder to pick up the slack and keep on top of all the cleaning that needs to be accomplished in such a short amount of time. It's kind of hard to explain the details of how not having one person can really slow you down... but basically having an odd number on the team makes for a lot of work. If you think to keep our team in your prayers it would be greatly appreciated. I'm trusting God is going to provide exactly what we need in His perfect timing... but being the leader of the team makes the responsibility fall pretty heavily on my shoulders some days. I have two guys on the team I'm leading. One is from Serbia, and the other Connecticut.

Both guys have been such a blessing and God has been teaching me a lot. I definitely think one of the things God is trying to teach me this summer is to be able to know what my limits are and know when I need to slow down and even stop to take a break in order to not become burned out. That's one of the things I've always struggled with. It's like the opposite of being lazy. Both are equally bad and equally unhealthy. I'm always going, and always feeling like I need to be working. There's nothing wrong with working, in fact in most cases it helps me to stay focused on the important tasks and manage my free time. But there is a truth to overworking and becoming burned out and over-exhausted... and basically useless. Specifically the guy on my team from Serbia has become like an older brother to me and after running around the camp trying to sort everything out he will look at me, take me by the shoulders and say, 'you need to sit, you're going to get burned out. we'll do the work for two minutes. take a break, cora.' what a blessing it is to have someone like that in my life that is looking out for my well-being when I forget that I need to be. So, I'm taking some pointers and learning some lessons, and hopefully I'll be able to be able to more effectively self-regulate my exhaustion level.

I think I'm going to go sailing tonight, and we finally have some beautiful weather so I'm hoping to see an amazing sunset tonight. I worked a 10 hour day on Tuesday and was on call for about 5 hours of that... and we had a huge thunder and lightening storm... it was gorgeous... but not that much fun to get soaked in while riding a golf-cart haha

God Bless! I'll write again soon!

I don't want to start every post with telling you how exhausted I am. And the true job hasn't even really started yet! But all of that aside, I am having an amazing time. There's a lot I wanted and still want to accomplish this summer but I truly feel as if I'm in the exact place God wants me to be this summer.

Yesterday I cleaned my first room... all by myself! It was a little on the scary side, but it's also been a lot of fun to learn how to properly make a bed as they do in the hotels, clean a bathroom from top to bottom (removing every speck, including whatever mold you may find... such as in the first cleaning job we did together.... a trailer in the woods.), properly handle different chemicals, finding 'monsters under the beds,' take bed bunks off and properly make them and slide them back on, fold towels, and kill NY size spiders (apparently they 'grow' them bigger here).

I also found who is going to be on my team today and what section of the camp we will be cleaning. We are cleaning what is called 'lakeside' and I'm really excited about it. I think we'll start the earlier part of the morning up in the woods and then work our way down toward the water a little before lunch so we are on the water when it's sunny and beautiful out. There's one room on lakeside that's bigger than all the others, and the most magnificent part has to be the huge window that looks out to the lake... the best part is that the room actually hangs a bit over the water so it actually feels like you're on top of the water... mostly because you actually are. And I get to clean it and look out that window everyday!! =-)

I haven't gotten my official schedule yet, but I'm going to be working 5 hours in the morning doing 'maid service' on lakeside with my team and then we will break for lunch. After that we will have a number of other duties (either working in the buildings doing odd jobs, folding linens in 'WashingTONS' hehe and then bringing them over to 'BeddingTONS'... they got really creative with the building names... washing dishes, and other duties) My boss who has been training us the last few days has really helped me to start to grasp why we are about to do all the housekeepers do. One thing he's said over and over again, is that when people walk into their room they have a first impression helping to determine how of the rest of their stay turns out to be. When they see someone has taken the time to make it spotless and pay attention to detail, in some cases they think to themselves something such as, 'someone cares.' Also, he's given me a knew perspective on cleaning toilets. I know, really shocking. I used to think it was a gross job to clean someone else toilet. I believe, 'ewwwwwww' was the thought that came to mind. Gosh, I hardly enjoy cleaning my own toilet/bathroom... why on earth would I want to clean someone else's?!

But then he made an extremely good point. It's the most humbling experience to look at a dirty bathroom (tub, toilet and all) and then get down on your hands an knees and start scrubbing completely disregarding the 'grossness' of the whole situation. After all, all you have to do is go home and take a shower and all the dirtiness is pretty much forgotten. I'm not going to compare it Jesus washing his disciple's feet. But it's a similar concept.

I'm really looking forward to guests coming, and starting to practice what Jesus has called us to do. I know this is going to be a tough summer, and I'm tempted to say it will be draining.. but so far, behind all the work and tiredness I've actually been left more full of joy and peace than being drained.

I miss a lot of people, but all the work keeps my mind off things, and it helps that all the people are really awesome here. It felt like home pretty quickly which always helps with the transition. And as a side note, from all this scrubbing, I've heard from numerous people it's like an 8 or 9 hour workout and my muscles will change within 3 weeks. Basically, who needs the gym when you have a housekeeping job for the summer and a beautiful lake to run around. =-)

We are the keepers of the house

Started job training today. It went really well, but I'm exhausted. Got up around 6... finished work around 5:15, went to dinner, had a mandatory meeting, and just got back from an 'ice (cream) breaker' on the lake. It was a really awesome opportunity to continue learning all the new names and get to know people. Didn't get a run in today, figure it's ok though because I'm not on much of a schedule yet, plus between all of the walking, lifting, scrubbing, and other cleaning duties we were trained in today I believe I got more than enough exercise... and I finished it off just about watching the sunset set on Lake Pleasant. God is so good, and I am incredibly blessed.

We were trained about our duties as housekeepers today, and as a 'housekeeping team leader' I was told about the added responsibilities of the job, and being responsible for a certain section of the camp. I'll be leading approximately 3 other people Monday-Friday and then on Saturday I will be responsible for helping completely changeover the camp in a matter of 5 hours so the next group of guests can arrive, check-in, and find clean rooms. For this changeover process I will be leading about 12 people and from what I've heard it's a crazy and completely intense 5 hours leaving in it's wake a pile (more like MOUNTAIN) of laundry that take at least 5 days to completely wash and get folded... just about in time for the next changeover to take place. That's a lot of laundry. The camp is much bigger and has so much more going on than I imagined before I got here. For instance: there's an entire music staff (around 30 people) making up the camp orchestra that plays music on sunday mornings, and they practice 5 days a week and most have gone to incredible music schools and done a graduate program. I walked by the auditorium today and it sounded fantastic!

I'm really enjoying learning about all the work that goes on behind the scenes when you go to stay somewhere. The head of my department basically says, 'We take care of the 'ick' factor so that our guests don't have to.' I love the job atmosphere and the references to scripture throughout the day that you don't get in a lot of places. It's going to be a hard and somewhat grueling job, but I'm really looking forward to being encouraged to truly merge what we sometimes compartmentalize as two different lives. Your 'work' life (basically school, career, home, etc.) and your 'church' life. One thing I really want to get better at this summer is learning how to remember who I'm truly working for in everything I do. It's so easy to approach different situations in life with a different attitude. It's not healthy. I work for the King and Creator of the universe, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, everything needs to reflect the awesome power, grace, and majesty of the amazing God I worship.

Until next time (which apparently will be sooner and more frequent than I originally thought)

God Bless

Home and hand soap. The two are most certainly related.

A picture is worth a thousand words, right? And I took this picture on my phone, so you can only imagine how much more beautiful it is in person.

I've been here a little over 24 hours now, and I've always been pretty good at adjusting to new places but from some reason this adjustment hasn't just felt like any other adjustment. I can see myself returning to this place, a place that's starting to feel like home, in the future. Oh, and what helped the whole process? I went in to town (this was the second trip to town today) and went to a store called, 'charlie john's' and bought some hand soap to use at the sink in our room. I'm officially settled in. What can I say, hand soap apparently makes all the difference. =-)

This morning I went for my second run since I've been here... it's just so invigorating to be in such a quaint place and to get to go and explore by myself. I found a laundromat, car wash, salon, post office, speculator's "department store" (notice the use of quotes... needless to say, it's more like a house looking thing that sells clothes that say 'adirondack mountains'), diner, playground, ice cream places, volunteer ambulance and police services (population of speculator, ny from what I hear is somewhere around 7 *hehe* and I guess they don't see the need to pay people... besides, if you think about it... a majority of the people living here probably volunteer... personally I think it's a pretty nifty system, for a small community anyway. not sure how well a volunteer system would work in a place say, like.... ny city haha). And on that note, a number of jokes about the town and its size have already been made (for instance that whole 'population 7' is a joke I picked up during church service this morning). But I think that's one of the reasons I love it so much and have already made the 'hike' into town 3 times since I've been here. I've always had this dream of at some point living in a small town. You know the kind. Everyone knows everyone, there's a gazebo in the center, and a diner that the locals frequent, and people water each other's gardens when they're away... oh, and the kind where the volunteer staff that services the town.

All of the people who live in speculator know us as 'the people who come and go every summer'. The town doesn't see a lot of action during the off season. But for those dedicated few who have permanent residency here, it's clearly the place they call home. But the people are so friendly. I introduced myself and talked to a few people in town and everyone is very welcoming.

Tomorrow marks the start of early mornings, long work days, regular small group meetings and chapel, as well as probably less sleep. But the hours of sleep are going to be pretty good after such long days I would imagine. Did I mention how excited I am for tomorrow?

I'm ready to grow in ways I can't even imagine, and continue to build relationships that will hopefully last a lifetime. It's nice getting comfortable with where everything is and starting to learn names (can be difficult to remember some of them... but give me time. after all, there are about 300 of us on staff. that's a lot of names.) I'm also looking to spend a considerable amount of quiet time by myself. Getting away from all the noise and commotion of my everyday life back home is a rare occasion once classes start, and I fully plan on taking hold of this awesome opportunity. Above all else, I'm hoping to grow in my relationship with God, humbling myself everyday at how amazing he is through both the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Until next time.

God Bless

'I long, as does every human being , to be at home wherever I find myself'

Wow, I'm thinking it's been a little too long since I wrote last... wonder if anyone still keeps up with a blog that sees little blogging? haha, oh well, I shall write on regardless....

I drove 5 hours today to NY and am currently settling into my new home. It's gorgeous here, and it's good to get away from my typical day-to-day schedule. We have some activities and a meeting tomorrow and then on Monday I think we start the official 'let's get down to business' training. As far as I know I'll be working about 52 hours per week and my free time is going to be spent running, training and getting ready for field hockey in the fall (I thought I'd start that summer mindset off right today so I went for nice run to explore the town not too far away from camp), hiking, devotionals, reading, hanging out with friends, and writing.

My run today took me along the lake I will be living on, and I found my way to a public beach (where by the way, I was the only person on aforementioned beach... talk about quaint and peaceful). I then walked down to the boat dock, sat on the end, took a deep breath, and I believe the words, 'God you are so good' came flooding into my mind to the beat of the waves lapping the side of the dock. Closing my eyes wasn't even an option, in fact, I was trying to convince my eyes they didn't even need to blink because I didn't want to miss a second of the incredible beauty in front of me. I find that there are few moments in life where you can truly say you feel in a state of peace.

Needless to say, I'm excited to be back on the water, where I find I feel most at home.

And even more than that, I'm looking forward to all that this summer holds.

Missing the Philippines

I realize I haven't written in a while, but I'm not going to let that stop me from sharing what's been on my heart today.

Got a message from my family in the Philippines, made cassava cake, saw pork rinds in the grocery store (yum? can't say I actually miss those) but it gave me instant flashbacks to all my friends in basak, talked to teammates, desperately wish I could have been there for eric's graduation, but God is certainly good! Would give anything to be there right now and have little Lee in my arms..... and I can't wait for the day I get to hold and meet my precious god-daughter Heather Rose...

And after all of this I also came very close to buying flowers at the grocery store today. but it just wouldn't have been the same as having my brother in Christ walk up to me in the middle of a street market in the Philippines holding a flower for each of the girls on the team. simple acts of kindness and respect go a long way.... and that's definitely one that will stick with me for a long time.

boy, it's certainly been one of those days.

I miss the Philippines.

The blessing of being flogged

I was reading the book of Acts last night and something in chapter 5 just really stood out to me. The apostles are performing miracles and then preaching to the crowds. They were arrested because of this and during the night an angel of the Lord comes and frees them from jail so they can continue to “tell the people the full message of this new life.”

 

When the priest and associates  (people who put the apostles in jail in the first place) arrive back in the morning and go to check on their prisoners they realize they are nowhere to be found even though their holding cell is still securely locked with guards standing outside.

 

They are furious with the apostles and demand once again they stop teaching. The apostles stand firm saying, “We must obey God rather than men!”

 

Still furious, they wanted to put the apostles to death. However a Pharisee named Gamaliel has the sense to question whether this is the right thing to do. He gives the example of Theudas and how the overall plan to kill him had basically backfired. He then continues to say, “Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God.”

 

In my head I’m picturing this whole situation going down and when I look back over it I’m pretty sure I actually started laughing. But I haven’t even gotten to my favorite part yet!!!

 

So, they decide Gamaliel’s argument has a considerable amount of merit. They aren’t going to kill the apostles! They are going to let them off with only a flogging! Rejoice!!!

 

Acts 5:40 says, “His speech persuaded them. They called the apostles in and had them flogged. Then they ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go.”

 

*chuckle* My thought: After all this! I desperately want to know who they think they are kidding?!?! “ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus” Right, because that worked so well the first…and second time!

 

And my own notes and comments from reading this section reads like this, “Sometimes being flogged is a blessing.” There’s some more irony and perspective for you.

 

And still!!! Acts 5:41 “The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.” Now, I picture this scene basically consisting of a group of apostles walking away bleeding and giving each other high-fives because they recognize they are bleeding for Jesus. It’s quite the awesome mental image.

 

OK, I’m almost done. I promise. But this is the best part! Brace yourselves:

 

Acts 5:42 “Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ.”

 

Clearly, as I mentioned before, the words they had been given after their flogging, demanding them to stop preaching (AGAIN) did a lot of good. Oh wait! Actually, it doesn’t seem to have done anything to stop the apostles from telling people about Jesus. Ooops!

 

Point (or two) for Jesus =-)

Testimonies

Come back with me to a sunny afternoon in July. I was sitting outside on a chair in Gainesville, Georgia…staring. Staring at a blank page. A new journal. A chance for a new beginning. And how was I instructed to start this new beginning??

By telling about my past, of course!

I had been asked by my leaders to share my testimony with everyone on the Philippines team. Not only were our leaders going to share their own testimonies, each of us were going to share our testimonies with the team.

And so it began, my blank page. I sat. I stared. And then I turned to Margo and said, “You know, no one has ever asked me to give my testimony before.” And I had a lot of mixed feelings in the beginning. First, I was scared out of my mind. I was scared of being told to open up to a group of strangers, and I was scared of allowing myself to be vulnerable, something I don’t often allow myself to do.

But you know what? I sat there and realized there was this other part of me that was downright excited.

After listening to the testimonies of my leaders I realized how much better I understood them and how I felt more prepared to serve along side them after hearing where they had come from.

I learned first hand the most beautiful part of giving your testimony is all the dirt. All the sin. All the bad and terrible stuff. It’s beautiful. I could go as far to say it’s absolutely gorgeous. Not because sin is beautiful, but because of what God has done with our sin.

Too often we try to hide all the bad stuff. Thinking to ourselves we are past it, and it really doesn’t matter. But unfortunately, when we have this mindset, we miss the point. The point of giving our testimonies is bringing glory to God! So tell all your dirt, and then tell about how God has made it as white as snow. Not only that, but when we go to such great lengths to hide all our sin; first of all we end up exhausted at always putting on a mask. And secondly, it makes it that much harder for others to talk about their sin. It creates this illusion that we as Christians are “goody two shoes.”

I’m not saying that being a Christian shouldn’t change the way you act. I’m saying the exact opposite. When you come to know God it should absolutely change who you are as well as the way you act. With emphasis on the change. The whole point is the change. And how will everyone know how much you have changed if you never tell them who you were before God came in and took over your life?

So here’s something that doesn’t often enough get said. It’s OK to have dirt. All that sin? God’s telling us to come as we are and He’ll take us from there.

Definitely don’t allow yourself to get stuck in the past, but also don’t just plow on through and never look back. A huge part of knowing who you are now is knowing who you were before.

And finally this brings me to my overall point. We don’t ask our brothers and sisters in Christ to give their testimonies nearly enough. When was the last time you really looked someone in the eye and asked, “So what sin has God pulled you out of?”

But as a side note, as our leaders talked about, don’t come up with dirt either! Your innocence can be just as awesome of a testimony! The amount of sin isn’t what makes up our testimony. Testimonies are the stories of God’s children. Each and every one unique and precious.

So step out and don’t be afraid to share your testimony when you are asked! And better yet, ask the person next to you if they would be willing to share their testimony! We should all be getting to know our family a little better.

After all, in order to serve others with them you need to know how you can best serve them.

Asceticism

asceticism – noun
1. the manner of life, practices, or principles of an ascetic.
2. the doctrine that a person can attain a high spiritual and moral state by practicing self-denial, self-mortification, and the like.
3. rigorous self-denial; extreme abstinence; austerity.

austerity - noun, plural -ties.
1. austere quality; severity of manner, life, etc.; sternness.
2. Usually, austerities. ascetic practices: austerities of monastery life.
3. strict economy.

In one of my classes we have recently been taking a closer look at theology and within that we have touched a little on asceticism. For some reason I have a fascination with this topic and have since been digging a little deeper and thinking a little harder on the subject.

Essentially when I think of the word ascetism I think of monks, and I think of Mother Teresa. I was sitting in class one day and I was really struggling with this. I have a great deal of respect for all the work Mother Teresa did, and this post is in no way trying to question her reasons for sacrificng the way she did in order to help the less fortunate than herslef. However, I think back to the story about how she would sift through a box of donated shoes, take out the worst pair, and put them on her own feet in order to give the better pairs to the more needy than herself. This decision resulted in her feet being deformed for part of her life.

And it makes me wonder. Where do we draw the line? Again, the work that Mother Teresa did was nothing less than admirable. Making sacrifices in order to better serve those around us is something we should all be trying to do more often. But at the same time, is turning to asceticism and "self-denial and self-moritifcaiton" really what God has in mind for the body of Christ? I think in our ministry and service we should also keep in mind that Christ dwells in us, and therefore I believe it is just as important to respect our own bodies as it is to respect others.

And also, "doctrine that a person can attain a high spiritual and moral state by practicing self-denial, self-mortification." Ok.....? Part of me really isn't sure what to do with that, or where to even start. There's clearly two extremes facing our society today. Where's the balance between self-satisfcation/self-seeking and self-moritifcation?

Which also brings me to Matthew 16:24 which says, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.'" I personally think what Jesus meant by "deny themselves" is, "deny your selfish desires for the things of this world" (example: earthly wealth, material possessions, etc.) I don't necessarily think Jesus was saying "deny and completely disregard your well-being, and don't try to care of yourselves or your health."

Something I feel the Church doesn't really talk much about is standing in awe of Creation. And I'm not just talking about the mountains, trees, skies, and earth in general. Don't get me wrong, God said all of those things were, "good." But I'm talking about what God declared, "very good."

Us. You. Me. Humans. Our bodies.

So yes, in order to be a disciple I need to deny myself and pick up the cross and follow Jesus. And yes, that may mean in the process getting a few splinters, a few blisters, and a few cuts and scrapes! But I'm also not going to totally disregard taking care of the body God has created for me. It means finding the healthy balance of serving others, and taking care of ourselves.

Basically, I see nothing wrong with a healthy amount of self-denial....it's this "rigorous self-denial and self-mortification" that I'm questioning.

I'd definitely appreciate anyone's thoughts on this topic!

Won’t you be my love?

There are the lyrics to the song “Won’t you be my love” by MercyMe, I would definitely recommend looking it up on YouTube so you can listen to it. The entire new MercyMe CD is really great and filled with a lot of amazing lyrics. A couple other of my favorites are “Beautiful” and “Back to You”.

However I chose to give the lyrics to this one because it’s a really powerful song displaying our connection through Christ to the people suffering around the world and the privilege we have to tell them about Jesus and His suffering on the cross.

When you fall asleep tonight
In your warm and cozy room
Know that I'm awake
And I've got no shelter and no food 
 
I am not alone
My friends are broke and lost
Looking for someone to lead them to my cross
I need your help, I need your help

Won't you be My voice calling
Won't you be My hands healing
Won't you be My feet walking into a broken world
Won't you be My chain-breaker
Won't you be My peacemaker
Won't you be My hope and joy
Won't you be My Love 

The other side of the world
She is just a few days old
A helpless little girl
With no family of her own
She is not to blame for the journey she is on
Her life is no mistake
Won't you lead her to My cross?

Won't you be My voice calling
Won't you be My hands healing
Won't you be My feet walking into a broken world
Won't you be My chain-breaker
Won't you be My peacemaker
Won't you be My hope and joy
Won't you be My Love 

To those I call My own
To those I've set aside
As spotless without blame
The chosen ones My bride 

We will be Your voice calling
We will be Your hands healing
We will be Your feet walking into a broken world
We will be Your chain-breaker
We will be Your peacemaker
We will be Your hope and joy
We will be Your love

Prayer keeps us close

Today I received a message from one of our hosts in the Philippines telling us about something tragic that happened this morning in one of the communities we ministered to while in Cebu.

 

Throughout the day I’ve been constantly in prayer for this family. But I will admit, I have been close to tears numerous times due to my frustration. What are we supposed to do on those days it feels like prayer just can’t possibly be enough? When we feel like we are so far away and can do nothing to help? On days like today, when I would give anything to be on a plane to Cebu and all my family I left behind there…

 

And then I remembered something.

 

I have a friend who went on a mission trip to Puerto Rico a year ago and even then I remember being blown away by this sentence he used in his support letter, “No matter how far away, prayer keeps us closer than we can imagine, and God uses it powerfully to affect our lives.” Something told me to hold onto that letter, and remember that sentence, when I read it. And today I was incredibly grateful I had.

 

This is exactly what I’m taking comfort in. It doesn’t matter how far away geographically I am from my filipino family, when I pray for them it’s as if I am right next to them laying my hands on them and asking God to pour His strength into them. And that’s enough. God’s using our prayers to powerfully affect lives. Our prayers make a difference. They don’t go unheard.

 

God has given us the gift of prayer for just this reason. To stay connected. To always be close to Him, as well as our brothers and sisters in Christ here on earth.

 

Let’s not let the distance keep us from praying powerful prayers. Because they are heard by a God who draws near to us all. There are a lot of broken hearts to be repaired, broken families to be restored, and tears to be wiped away through the power of prayer.

 

So what can we do? And is prayer really enough? We’ve been called to pray…and yes! Right now, it is enough. Today, God’s using our prayers. Don’t let Satan feed you lies about prayer, don’t let him attack your communication line with God.

 

Satan wants us to feel disconnected from one another. He wants us to feel helpless and lonely. Because connected we are strong and powerful. When we are linked in prayer there is nothing here on earth that can get in the way of the Kingdom of God.

 

So Pray. Pray. Pray.

 

1 Thessalonians 5:16 “Be joyful always; pray continually'; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”