I'll start off by saying that if you know me, then you also know I'm not really one for showing emotions. I rarely cry, and when I do, you can be assured it's taken me a lot to get to that point. Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with not showing much emotion. Just as I don't think there is anything wrong with showing emotion. It goes both ways. But during this trip God pretty much sat me down even before we left Training Camp to go to the Philippines and said, "Cora, it's OK to be a weeping child of God."
The truth of that was revealed all throughout this trip. I cried more in this past month than I have in my entire life. But I think it should also be noted I laughed more this past month than I ever thought possible. Because in the midst of the sorrow and tears there is also the Truth, and that is that one day God will wipe away all of our tears.
This goes along with me praying for God to break my heart for what breaks His. There were some debriefs with the team that after a particularly demanding day of ministry I couldn't help but shed a few tears for the kids that had held my hand as I walked them through the alleys where men would sit there and stare at them just waiting for their opportunity to get their hands on them. I cried for all the Filipino children who have never experienced the true love of a parent here on earth, but they've seen more alcohol and drugs in their few short years than I will probably ever see. I cried for the kids who now hold a little piece of my heart because their smiles were so inviting that all you wanted to do was stand there and hold them...because all they wanted to do was be held. My tears were shed for the disease, poverty, and dirt. But most of all, my tears were shed for all of God's beautiful children who are just looking for someone to love them.
However, almost all the kids I cried for I also laughed with. Whether it was chasing them around in the streets and hearing their shrieks of delight at having a new friend, or seeing the shy smiles when we were teaching them silly songs, or watching their eager hands go up when you asked for volunteers to help with the Bible story, or laughing with them when they pointed at your nose and said, "Why is it so big?" or better yet when they pointed at my hair shyly, giggled and said, "You look like Barbie." Sometimes you just have to laugh. =)
God has been working in my life a lot this past month, and I'll be getting into some more detailed stories in my next post, but for now I'll leave you with a Bible verse and an article that I read on the web. We should be delighted God has given us the ability to cry and to laugh. Sometimes I catch myself wondering why God allows so much pain and suffering in the world and why He leaves us alone in it. And then I stop myself. If there's anyone who knows pain it's God. He gave up His only Son. Really puts my "suffering" in perspective. And above all, HE DIDN'T LEAVE US ALONE IN IT. One of the many things I realized on this trip is just how present God is in all situations. Wherever we walk, God has walked there before us. Even on the city streets of Cebu where men sit and watch the children, or in Lorega where they live among the dead.....God is present! He is there! There is beauty in everything around us, sometimes we just have to be willing to let God open our eyes to see it.
Romans 15:4-6
4For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.
5May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, 6so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
The following few paragraphs were taken from Boundless Webzine, written by J. Budziszewski
"One of the multitude, bright as a falling star, stood forth to give the spirits' answer. "The question is beyond us, Mighty One. Yet because it pleases You to ask us, we would advise after this fashion. Do not make the children of men in Your image, because Your holiness must not be demeaned by imitation. Do not give them freedom, because they might use it for ill. If you do give them power to sin, then do not let their deeds have consequences, because they might hurt themselves. So fashion the world that bullets do not pierce, wounds do not bleed, hatred wants the best, betrayal has no barb, and promises can be shattered and yet fulfilled. Make your creation invulnerable to their sins, that its goodness may be preserved.
"But if you will not do these things, Eternal One, then above all hold yourself aloof from them. Yea, should they bring suffering upon themselves, let them bear it alone, for you are God."
God replied to the heavenly beings, "You have answered according to the measure of your wisdom; now hear what I will do. I will make men in my image, that My Name may be glorified among them. I will give them freedom, for if they have no power to rebel, then neither will they have power to love. Know then that they will be my children, not my pets. I will give them abundant power to hurt themselves, for if their deeds have no consequences, then neither will they have meaning. I will make them the lords of my creation, every inch of it vulnerable to them, because they themselves are my chief work and the apple of my eye. Know then that if they fall, all nature will groan like a woman in travail.
"Above all, I will not hold myself aloof from them. Though I go to make a world in which pain and sorrow are possible because of them, I will take the worst of it upon myself. Already I foresee their sin; already I am slain. Yea, I will make myself one of them, I will sweat drops of blood, I will die that they may live."
Hearing God, the angelic beings were amazed, and longed to look into these things. But some of them were scandalized, and there was war in heaven.
It is scandalous, isn't it? There is that in us which would side with the rebellious angels. We don't want a God who suffers; we don't want a God of such terrifying good. God lifts us to such a height that we are capable of ruining ourselves, and we say "Thanks, but no thanks." He bears the penalty of our sins, and we say "How dare you call it sin?" He comes to share our burdens, and we say "Couldn't you just make us comfortable?" He offers the privilege of sharing His sufferings so that we may share His glory, and we say "You call that a privilege?" Yes, and when He promises that one day He will wipe every tear from our eyes, we say "We would rather not cry in the first place.'"