I am officially back from the island of Cebu in the Philippines. Cebu is home to a group of beautiful people who have captured a piece of my heart.
Anyway, I'm in the first stages of dealing with re-entry. It's hard to explain all of the emotions going on in my head right now, but above all other emotions is the strong desire to struggle through this re-entry with my Creator. The Creator of the universe is craving to spend time with me, and I'm craving time with Him. Reflecting on this last month makes me smile and brings tears to my eyes all at the same time.
Our team of 9 people was blessed to be able to spend our time in the Philippines ministering to people who have touched my life just as much (if not more) as I have hopefully touched their lives. In the next couple of days expect to see numerous blog posts as I try to accurately write down some of my stories and thoughts. God has made it clear to me that my trip and all of the stories He gave me were not meant to stay inside. I am supposed to share them with anyone who wants to hear them or read about them. I thank everyone for your prayer support and partnering with me to serve the people of Cebu.
God did some amazing things this past month in a lot of lives and I am so excited to share with you all about my experiences and the way God is continuing to move in my life.
God Bless!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Zandra
Here's another blog post from my time in the Philippines:
A couple of days ago we went to Lorega. Lorega is a place where the homeless live among the dead in a cemetery. Part of me doesn't even know where to start. They live among the dead. Their home is literally on top of and surrounded by tombs. And it's not an old burying site either, we saw tombs marked 2004 and these people have been making their home there for well over twenty years. The first church service we went to we had the opportunity to teach the children Sunday School off to the side. I taught the songs, and then after the story was taught one of my other team members got up in front to teach another song and I stepped back. When I did this, I glanced down and there was little girl kneeling on a tomb in the dirt, glass, trash, and goat poop next to me. I knelt down and started to try and sing the song with her but she was too young to understand. I had this tug on my heart to try and pick her up, so I did. Immediately after I picked her up I felt my side get really warm and wet from where she had had an accident and not been changed. After holding her for a while I set her on her feet right in front of me. Immediately she grabbed my hand. It wasn't because of her lack of balance because she was old enough to walk, but it was so obvious to me in that moment that she just wanted to be loved and comforted by someone. Eventually, after holding my hand for a little while she started to lean into me and rest her head on my leg. Whenever another child came over to talk to her she would almost act frightened and in turn I would feel her squeeze my hand a little tighter and lean into my body a little harder.
At one point she let go of my hand just so that she could wrap both of her arms around my leg and place her head there too and look up at me. For a lot of the time I would bend down so I was her height and could see eye-to-eye with her. Whenever I did this she would automatically switch from wrapping her arms around my leg to wrapping her arms around my chest. And it wasn't like she wanted to be given a hug, she more just wanted to be held. I must have stood comforting Zandra for at least 30 minutes while all of the other kids played around us. To be honest, I remember very little about my surroundings for those 30 minutes, it was almost like she and I were the only two there, and all that mattered was the connection I had with this little girl.
When I told her I had to go and waved my other hand to make sure she knew what I meant, (I was kneeling down and looking her in the eyes at this point) she immediately reached up and put both her hands on my cheeks. I have never felt so connected with someone in my entire life. When I was walking away she grabbed my hand and led me. She didn't have any shoes on, and the protective instinct inside of me wanted to say something like, "be careful" or, "watch your feet" as she walked over the broken glass. And that's when it hit me and I held back the words. I realized she has grown up in this. This is her life. Zandra has probably witnessed far worse things in her short life than I will ever have to witness.
Before this trip to the Philippines, and especially before my trip into Lorega, I would have been naive enough to tell you it was impossible for a little Filipino child who didn't even speak English, to have as much of an impact on my life as Zandra did. It sounds crazy, but I can still feel her arms wrapped tightly around my leg and her hands against my cheeks. At the beginning of this trip I prayed for God to break my heart for what breaks His, and I truly meant it in my heart. Over these last couple days with Mariel and Zandra He has done just that. I am so grateful He is answering my prayer, but all the same, it's not painless to have your heart broken. I have prayed a lot about this, and this breaking of my heart is not only a good thing, it's also healthy. Because the second a child like Mariel or Zandra walks into your life and your heart doesn't break, that's when you know something is wrong.
Thank you so much for keeping our team in your prayers. We are all excited to see what these last 7 days in the Philippines will bring us. God Bless!
A couple of days ago we went to Lorega. Lorega is a place where the homeless live among the dead in a cemetery. Part of me doesn't even know where to start. They live among the dead. Their home is literally on top of and surrounded by tombs. And it's not an old burying site either, we saw tombs marked 2004 and these people have been making their home there for well over twenty years. The first church service we went to we had the opportunity to teach the children Sunday School off to the side. I taught the songs, and then after the story was taught one of my other team members got up in front to teach another song and I stepped back. When I did this, I glanced down and there was little girl kneeling on a tomb in the dirt, glass, trash, and goat poop next to me. I knelt down and started to try and sing the song with her but she was too young to understand. I had this tug on my heart to try and pick her up, so I did. Immediately after I picked her up I felt my side get really warm and wet from where she had had an accident and not been changed. After holding her for a while I set her on her feet right in front of me. Immediately she grabbed my hand. It wasn't because of her lack of balance because she was old enough to walk, but it was so obvious to me in that moment that she just wanted to be loved and comforted by someone. Eventually, after holding my hand for a little while she started to lean into me and rest her head on my leg. Whenever another child came over to talk to her she would almost act frightened and in turn I would feel her squeeze my hand a little tighter and lean into my body a little harder.
At one point she let go of my hand just so that she could wrap both of her arms around my leg and place her head there too and look up at me. For a lot of the time I would bend down so I was her height and could see eye-to-eye with her. Whenever I did this she would automatically switch from wrapping her arms around my leg to wrapping her arms around my chest. And it wasn't like she wanted to be given a hug, she more just wanted to be held. I must have stood comforting Zandra for at least 30 minutes while all of the other kids played around us. To be honest, I remember very little about my surroundings for those 30 minutes, it was almost like she and I were the only two there, and all that mattered was the connection I had with this little girl.
When I told her I had to go and waved my other hand to make sure she knew what I meant, (I was kneeling down and looking her in the eyes at this point) she immediately reached up and put both her hands on my cheeks. I have never felt so connected with someone in my entire life. When I was walking away she grabbed my hand and led me. She didn't have any shoes on, and the protective instinct inside of me wanted to say something like, "be careful" or, "watch your feet" as she walked over the broken glass. And that's when it hit me and I held back the words. I realized she has grown up in this. This is her life. Zandra has probably witnessed far worse things in her short life than I will ever have to witness.
Before this trip to the Philippines, and especially before my trip into Lorega, I would have been naive enough to tell you it was impossible for a little Filipino child who didn't even speak English, to have as much of an impact on my life as Zandra did. It sounds crazy, but I can still feel her arms wrapped tightly around my leg and her hands against my cheeks. At the beginning of this trip I prayed for God to break my heart for what breaks His, and I truly meant it in my heart. Over these last couple days with Mariel and Zandra He has done just that. I am so grateful He is answering my prayer, but all the same, it's not painless to have your heart broken. I have prayed a lot about this, and this breaking of my heart is not only a good thing, it's also healthy. Because the second a child like Mariel or Zandra walks into your life and your heart doesn't break, that's when you know something is wrong.
Thank you so much for keeping our team in your prayers. We are all excited to see what these last 7 days in the Philippines will bring us. God Bless!
Gwapa Ka
Here's one of the blog posts I wrote while in the Philippines:
The past couple of weeks have been nothing short of life changing. I have survived a 14 and ½ hour flight, slept in the Seoul, South Korea Airport, bought groceries at Fooda (and no, that’s not a spelling error =) ), had Filipino spaghetti at Jollibee (it’s not quite the same as back in the States), and taken countless jeepney rides (where you are shoved a little closer to the people around you than you may have wished.) And on a more serious note: I have witnessed material poverty like never before. It was a couple of days ago when I was surrounded by dirt, trash, and pollution, while sitting in a church service on top of a burial tomb that I realized my definition of poverty has been skewed my entire life . I have defined poverty and wealth based of the possessions people have, but it hit me that a lot of these people living in the slums are wealthy. Their faith is incredible and they are keeping their eyes and hearts set on the things that will last for eternity. They praise God for all the small things they have, and in terms of eternal things and the Kingdom of God some of these people are among the wealthiest I’ve ever met.
Our team had the opportunity to go with Cebu City Alliance Church (CCAC) to feed and teach a Bible story to a group of children in a village in the city. Once we were done teaching, the kids lined up to be served food and I stood off to the side to watch. There was a little girl kneeling down in the dirt next to me and I knelt down and attempted to ask her what her name was. During the story I had been leading one of the songs, and whenever I looked at her she would smile but she didn’t really participate in the hand motions. When I asked her what her name was it became clear to me she didn’t understand English. I asked our host and translator, Ruben, to come over and help me communicate with her. I found out her name was Mariel and she was four years old. I realized she didn’t have a bowl and would be unable to eat. I had Ruben ask her if she wasn’t hungry, and she responded she was going to eat at home. Later we asked her where she lived and her response was, “everywhere”.
A few minutes later I pointed in the general direction of her face and said, “Gwapa ka,” which in Cebuano means, “You are beautiful.” She turned and asked Ruben, “My hair is beautiful?” and I asked Ruben to tell her “No, everything” and I motioned with my hands to her entire face so she would understand. As soon as Ruben translated for me, Mariel looked back at me, smiled shyly, and let out a little laugh. Ruben turned to me after this exchange and said, “That is probably the first time anyone has ever told her she is beautiful.”
Ruben had told me earlier that the majority of these girls had been molested by this age, and a lot of them were children of prostitutes. And the sad thing is that they will most likely choose the same lifestyle when they are older because they see it as their only way to make a sufficient amount of money.
After that exchange between Mariel and I, she stood behind my skirt and wanted to play with me. When it was time for us to leave our first feeding site to go on to the next, she let me pick her up and hug her and then she held my hand and led me into another alleyway. My exchange with Mariel is one I will never forget, and my new favorite saying for all the little Filipino girls is “Gwapa ka” because who knows if they’ve ever heard it or when the next person will tell them. It’s such a blessing to have the opportunity to love on these kids and shine truth and light into their hearts. My prayer is that they will turn to Jesus to be loved and not end up looking for love in the people and things in this world.
The past couple of weeks have been nothing short of life changing. I have survived a 14 and ½ hour flight, slept in the Seoul, South Korea Airport, bought groceries at Fooda (and no, that’s not a spelling error =) ), had Filipino spaghetti at Jollibee (it’s not quite the same as back in the States), and taken countless jeepney rides (where you are shoved a little closer to the people around you than you may have wished.) And on a more serious note: I have witnessed material poverty like never before. It was a couple of days ago when I was surrounded by dirt, trash, and pollution, while sitting in a church service on top of a burial tomb that I realized my definition of poverty has been skewed my entire life . I have defined poverty and wealth based of the possessions people have, but it hit me that a lot of these people living in the slums are wealthy. Their faith is incredible and they are keeping their eyes and hearts set on the things that will last for eternity. They praise God for all the small things they have, and in terms of eternal things and the Kingdom of God some of these people are among the wealthiest I’ve ever met.
Our team had the opportunity to go with Cebu City Alliance Church (CCAC) to feed and teach a Bible story to a group of children in a village in the city. Once we were done teaching, the kids lined up to be served food and I stood off to the side to watch. There was a little girl kneeling down in the dirt next to me and I knelt down and attempted to ask her what her name was. During the story I had been leading one of the songs, and whenever I looked at her she would smile but she didn’t really participate in the hand motions. When I asked her what her name was it became clear to me she didn’t understand English. I asked our host and translator, Ruben, to come over and help me communicate with her. I found out her name was Mariel and she was four years old. I realized she didn’t have a bowl and would be unable to eat. I had Ruben ask her if she wasn’t hungry, and she responded she was going to eat at home. Later we asked her where she lived and her response was, “everywhere”.
A few minutes later I pointed in the general direction of her face and said, “Gwapa ka,” which in Cebuano means, “You are beautiful.” She turned and asked Ruben, “My hair is beautiful?” and I asked Ruben to tell her “No, everything” and I motioned with my hands to her entire face so she would understand. As soon as Ruben translated for me, Mariel looked back at me, smiled shyly, and let out a little laugh. Ruben turned to me after this exchange and said, “That is probably the first time anyone has ever told her she is beautiful.”
Ruben had told me earlier that the majority of these girls had been molested by this age, and a lot of them were children of prostitutes. And the sad thing is that they will most likely choose the same lifestyle when they are older because they see it as their only way to make a sufficient amount of money.
After that exchange between Mariel and I, she stood behind my skirt and wanted to play with me. When it was time for us to leave our first feeding site to go on to the next, she let me pick her up and hug her and then she held my hand and led me into another alleyway. My exchange with Mariel is one I will never forget, and my new favorite saying for all the little Filipino girls is “Gwapa ka” because who knows if they’ve ever heard it or when the next person will tell them. It’s such a blessing to have the opportunity to love on these kids and shine truth and light into their hearts. My prayer is that they will turn to Jesus to be loved and not end up looking for love in the people and things in this world.
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