PB&J

My hope is that by the end of reading this the title "PB&J" will make complete sense...

It would seem this post has been a long time coming, and there have been a couple of events over the last few weeks that were the culmination of thoughts that lead to a more solid idea about how I feel on the matter of disagreement and individualism.

Last spring I wrote my declamation for a class called “Justice and the Common Good” about human dignity and what it means to love and be loved. In this paper, among other things, I argued that freedom as a Christian is not intended to give us the freedom to pursue individual goals, but rather it gives us the freedom to love. One of the only ways to show someone that you love them is to work for them (aka through our actions).  If love can be felt through actions then it would make sense that work is a necessary means for showing your love for someone. I don’t know if I am of the minority in my generation, but personally I am frustrated with this whole “individualism” movement.

The following is an excerpt from the aforementioned paper:

         “Another one of the facets of love that can be experienced is discussion and argument. There are three different essential options of where conversation can lead. The first is trying to find new solutions over and over again without getting anywhere—that is other than removing hope over time as the individuals grind in. The second—which is insanity—is trying the same thing multiple times and expecting different results. And the third, and most conducive for flourishing, is a line of questioning which sometimes out of necessity has to move backwards, but the main goal is to arrive closer to the truth over time. This third option is often the most difficult to commit to because there are instances where moving backwards ensures gaining more momentum to delve even further in conversation and an understanding of truth; however, it is this backwards movement that is disturbing. At some point in this process there is a temptation to exhaustion or despair, but the integral part of the process is understanding that as steps are taken backwards the projection towards further truth becomes more expansive and the process moves forward.

              Part of being in relationship and community with other Christians is realizing that it is not always clean and neat and often times we end up hurting one another—both unintentionally and intentionally, a result of the sinful nature in us all. Through the journey of discussing with others, our understanding of truth at the time of discussion may not line up with their understanding of truth. When these preconceived notions of truth that have had time to develop individually meet in conversation there is bound to be conflict. However, it is through this sometimes trying process that what we love becomes bigger and our ability to care about others as well as the pursuit of truth expands rapidly. In The End of the Affair Graham Greene writes, “I had never known her before and I had never loved her so much. The more we know the more we love, I thought, I was back in the territory of trust.”

           To question another is to show them respect, and in this, disagreeing is also a sign of respect, and sometimes it is the action that can convey the most love—it means that the individual is not only committed to truth, but also committed to the other. While exhaustion means a loss of strength, despair means the individual has come to a place of thinking “this has no point.” In the case of despair, continuing down the road of conversation seems hopeless. This is the point in conversation when the person throws their hands up, walks away, and refuses to keep conversing in an attempt to find the truth. To succumb to despair is essentially to willingly give up on the search for truth both in conversation and in relationship. Hope is not something that we can give to each other, it is a gift we have to willingly accept from the Holy Spirit. Above all, the requirement for such conversation is patience because it could take many years of conversing and questioning to find any sort of truth. However, it is always better for an individual to be confused and moving in the direction of love then to be alone and think they know the answer. The most appropriate attitude to have when approaching conversation is to accept the possibility of being wrong. John Paul II writes, “The judgment of conscience is a practical judgment, a judgment which makes known what man must do or not do, or which assess an act already performed by him. It is a judgment which applies to a concrete situation the rational conviction that one must love and do good and avoid evil.”  As we are humans there is always the possibility of making a mistake and judging incorrectly. Potentially a result of invincible ignorance, the individual may be incapable of seeing their own ignorance or making a decision that would allow them to see where they have made an error in judgment.”

There's something going on in our society that causes an incredible amount of doubt - in friendships, relationships, career choices, etc. Sometimes I think it's not even so much that our generation desires to move towards individualism as it is an incredible insecurity with who we are as people that we don't want to get others involved in our lives out of fear it will be too messy. However, instead of admitting these insecurities we hide them under the facade of wanting enough space to discover who we are. It seems we often times put up this front particularly because we aren't ready to engage in conversation. This is a shame because we grow through conversation and disagreement. Have you ever noticed that it gets boring to be in the company of people that always agree with you? It actually becomes exhausting to feel like there is never progress towards truth. Agreeing seems to suggest that two people have settled on some sort of truth and there is nothing left to dispute - the journey has somehow ended, and yet often times I find myself unsatisfied with the apparent destination. However, at the same time, it is just as exhausting to try and have a conversation with someone who never thinks they are wrong because they have individually settle on their own truth.

The problem with individualism is that we start to focus on what is in it for me instead of what is in it for us. In a lecture with Jonathan Sacks he talked about the nature of social contracts and social covenants. A social contract is when two parties give up some right in order for there to be a social power. They have no ongoing relationship; whereas, a social covenant is when two or more individuals come together and pledge themselves to do together what neither can do alone. Contract brings benefits, but a covenant brings about transformation. A social covenant is a pledge of mutual responsibility and is always grounded in relationship. Sacks also remarked that the voice of God is speaking through critiques. The key is to be a big enough person to be able to listen to them. I feel as though individualism will also move us away from considering generations after us. This applies directly to this:

Act responsibly for the sake of generations not yet born. If you plan for a year, plant rice; if you plan for a decade, plant a tree; if you plan for a century, educate a child. 

Tommaso Campanella, an Italian Philosopher writes, “Space is defined as “a primary substance or seat or immobile and incorporeal capacity, able to receive any body.” It is homogeneous: human terms such as “high” and “low”, “behind and in front of”, “right” and “left”, refer to bodies that are placed within it; and if the world did not exist, we would imagine space to be empty. In reality, however, it desires fullness, is endowed with attractive force and abhors remaining empty. Bodies, in turn, enjoy mutual contact and hate the void that separates them”

We were meant for community. We were designed for togetherness. Both because it leaves us feeling fulfilled and because it challenges us. It keeps us from thinking we're hopelessly messed up, but it also gives us a humbling reality check about how many flaws we have and how many things we have to work on.

So just remember....

PB&J

The trick is finding a combination that works as well as this widely accepted sandwich.